Part 3 of 4—Adulting 2023
Studies show average age of marriage is higher than before
By Kristen Kirtley
Assistant Editor
The rate of married 21 year olds decreased from one-third in 1980 to 6% in 2021, according to a study conducted by Pew Research.
The rate of married 25 year olds decreased from two-thirds to 22%, as well, according to the same study.
Many women are getting married later and not as often, because of the prioritization of a quality education and career over a romantic relationship, according to Clarissa Sawyer, lecturer in natural and applied sciences, who teaches adult development, aging, and gender psychology.
“Women are putting a career above everything else,” said Bailey Trammell, instructor of psychology at Northwestern Oklahoma State University.
Trammell explained that besides the desire to establish a career preventing women from getting married at the traditional age, the fear of losing part of their identity is another factor that is holding them back.
For example, women changing their last name after getting married may cause them to feel that a piece of their identity has been taken away from them.
An article from Scientific Research Publishing says younger generations are choosing to marry later in order to focus on personal growth and the overall development of their personality. The article says a woman getting pregnant at a young age can delay the development of her career; but a man getting married at a younger age is more likely to set back his life plans altogether.
The same article also said if people wait longer for marriage, they give themselves time to figure out what they want in a partner, and time to find the partner who is best suited for them.
Trammel said she believes another factor that causes people to marry later is geography. She said people who reside in the West Coast often marry later than people who reside in Midwestern states. Trammell said the reason for this difference is that Midwestern states are more rural, and people follow and copy other couples who choose to get married at a younger age in their area.
Another factor Trammell brought up is the fear of divorce.
“Between my four parents, there have been 12 divorces,” Trammell said. “People don’t want to repeat that cycle.”
Trammell also discovered the concept of polyamory, which is the practice of having more than one romantic partner at a time. She said polyamory has become more normalized in recent years, which has decreased the practice of monogamy, the concept of having only one romantic relationship at a time.
Trammell explained that once the honeymoon phase is over in a developing relationship, people avoid taking their relationship to the next level, whether that be marriage or starting a family, and often give up on the relationship altogether. She said younger generations don’t want to work hard to maintain a successful marriage, unlike older generations do, because of factors such as more advanced technology and social media.
Trammell said she believes that as a society, people no longer know how to communicate with each other because of the access of cell phones. She said that phones also normalize the concept of instant gratification, which can cause relationships to fail because of people stepping outside the bounds of the relationship.
Another factor Trammell brought up was what’s known as, “Disney love”. She said that Disney movies and shows, such as the beloved princess movies, portray a false reality of what love is supposed to look like, causing people to expect relationships and marriage to be smooth-sailing, with little to no issues.
“I think another component is socioeconomic status,” Trammell said.
Trammell pointed out the fact that a wedding in the U.S. costs an average of $38,000, which is more than some make annually in the nation, causing people to question whether it’s worth getting married at all.
A concept becoming more normalized is commitment ceremonies, she said. Here a couple vows to commit their lives together without getting legally married.
She said that socioeconomic status also comes into play when couples are deciding whether to have kids, and some people decide not to have children simply because of the added expense.
“Women today have learned that putting off their mothering years in pursuit of their education and career has become more beneficial in the long run for career advancement or opportunities presented by relocation that wouldn’t be possible with children,” said Christina Murrow, the clinical director of the Northwest Treatment Center for Women and Children in Waynoka, who obtained a bachelor’s in pre-k-12 education with a teaching endorsement in psychology.
Murrow also said in order to survive in older generations, women used to solely rely on the financial support of men because of employment opportunities being limited. She said it was more beneficial to stay married, not to mention raising children was easier with a stay-at-home parent.
Denise Emmer, an Alva native who works in federal law enforcement management, waited to get married until she was 41 years old.
“I was just so career-oriented,” Emmer said.
Emmer said she made a career change later in life, and that she refused to settle when picking a life partner. She said she was independent and self-sufficient before she decided to get married.
“I always knew I would meet Mr. Right,” Emmer said. “I was in no hurry, and I’m so glad I waited and didn’t rush like others around me were doing.”
A paper from Farm Bureau Financial Services says that one of the pros to marrying later in life is the concept of combining finances as a couple.
The article explains that if a couple gets married at an older age, they are likely to be more knowledgeable about managing money than they would have been if they got married earlier.
In 1960, the average age that a woman got married in the U.S. was 20 years old. The average has now increased to 28 years old.
An article from “THE HILL”, written by Daniel De Vise, said older generations built a life with their partner after they got married, and younger generations build their lives as individuals before they marry their partner.
