October 20
I met a girl today in my anatomy class. She’s a foreign exchange student from Daegu…..at least, that’s what I overheard the other girls in my class say. Her name is Sa-rang. She has this beautiful, black hair that hangs just below her shoulders, eyes the color of hazel, perfect-looking skin, and the greatest perfume known to man. …. I know I probably sound like a creep saying that, and if so, I’m sorry. It’s just that….I’ve never had all that much experience with girls.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a shut-in. Quite the opposite actually: I like to see myself as an extrovert. Hell, one of my favorite things to do is to go to house parties and live concerts, so it’s not like I have trouble putting myself out there.
No, my problem is more so that I haven’t really been surrounded by the opposite sex most of my life. My mom died when I was very young, so I don’t remember her all that much. My dad was a bit of a lady’s man and wasn’t home all that much. Even when he would come home, he would be more interested in spending time with his new girlfriend than with me.
You think him bringing his date home would mean I get to have at least some interaction with women. Unfortunately, my dad’s relationships wouldn’t last very long. So even when I did start forming a bond with one of them, there was really no point, since I would end up never seeing them again anyway.
I didn’t have any aunts, and my grandma on both my mom’s and dad’s sides died before I was born. Sure, I had some cousins who were girls, but they were decades older than me and had no interest in hanging out with a little kid. I have an older sister, but we haven’t really spoken since she moved out. It’s difficult to explain why.
I suppose we were never really close. I can’t say this with a hundred-percent certainty, but I got the impression that she never liked me all that much.
Damn, I should probably stop writing and go to bed now. I have a test tomorrow, and I heard Dr. Aldred’s exams are notorious for how ridiculously hard they are.
October 27
I overheard one of the girls in my class talk about this new indie metal band called Glass Rocks. Apparently, they’re having a concert in town this Saturday. I then overheard this same girl talking to Sa-rang.
From what I heard, Sa-Rang’s a fan of the band, and is going to be attending the concert. Now, I know this next part might sound creepy, but I decided to purchase the tickets to their concert that very night. Hear me out: I like this girl, I really do. I swear, I’m not doing this to stalk her.
I get that it sounds crazy, but I really think she and I have a connection. Every time I see her in class, I get this light feeling in my stomach, as if all my insecurities go away. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, I’m not sure if she’s what people call “the one.” If I were to put it into words, I guess you could say this is the first time in my life I’ve ever felt affection for another human being.
November 1
I hate myself. I have hated myself since I was a teenager. I always was a stupid, awkward kid with no social awareness. When I got to college, I thought I could ignore all that by pretending to be some chill party animal, but it turns out some things never changed. I learned that tonight.
It was all going well at first; I showed up to the concert, chugged down a couple drinks and began looking around for Sa-rang. After about an hour, I finally saw her in the front row She was wearing this cute, sparkling black skirt, thigh-highs, and this adorable brown sweater that was two sizes too big, making her look like a little kid trying on her mom’s clothes.
I approached her after a while, offering her a drink. She was nice, but turned down my offer. Looking back on it, I don’t really know what I expected. Afterall. If a random guy you’ve never metwalked up to you and extended a drink to you, you’d have to be an idiot not to assume he has a less than noble intention.
Realizing how much of weirdo I was making myself out to be, I put the drink down and introduced myself. I knew I had to be careful with my wording here, as I didn’t want her to give her the impression that I had been showing up to class just to stare at her. I told her that I found her pretty and would like to get to know her more. I’ll admit, I may have gotten a little excited. I may have stepped a little bit too closed to her. And sure, maybe I got a bit too erratic with my hands.
To be countinued……