By CHARLIE WYLIE
Student Writer
“Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.” In the 1995 comedy Clueless, the main character Cher bemoans the lack of quality dating opportunities.
While Northwestern in Alva is not a high school, finding a suitable love interest here can mirror Cher’s dilemma. People search their whole lives for that special someone. It can be harder still if the person happens to be LGBT. Also, if a gay person is trying to find a date in time for Valentine’s Day? Forget about it.
It is not like we do not have LGBT people in Alva. We do. There are quite a bit actually. However, the number drops markedly when considering those that are out of the closet. I count myself as one of those that are OUT and about campus. What is the number one reason LGBT people do not come out? FEAR. Nobody wants to be rejected by their friends and family. Even today, in our society where gay marriage is legal, this is still a legitimate fear. I myself did not come out until I was nearly 30 years of age because I was scared. I thought that nobody would accept me or love me. I thought they would think I was a freak. But that simply was not the case. I was accepted by the important people in my life. I still have a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy with some of my family because they would rather ignore reality. This does not bother me because I have some fantastic people in my life and I am not alone.
So how does one go about getting a date in Alva, Okla. when the bulk of the candidates are in hiding? Just like for our hetero counterparts, there are dating sites. However, because being gay is still stigmatized to a degree, many people do not want to use these sites and are embarrassed about doing so. So we have the same problem. People do not want to admit their sexuality out of fear. There are a few profiles to look at, but for the most part, it is barren. I have met much of the LGBT community here in person, even if it took a while for them to tell me their sexual preference. I actually do know a success story on campus.
This successful couple (I will not mention their names, because they would not want me to) are friends of mine. I met them in class. I knew right away that they were together. After I got to know them I asked why they were not out about being lesbians. They told me they had heard of others who had bad experiences and were afraid of being harmed. I hate that people have to live in fear.
Is Alva a bad place to live as a gay person? I have heard stories, however, I can only speak for my experience. I can honestly say I have had a couple of bad experiences. One was in the classroom and one was at a social function. I was livid both times (let us just say that making the proclamation that gay people are going to hell at a Christmas party is always bad form), but I had to learn to deal with these experiences and people. People are going to have their opinions and they are allowed to. One of my favorite drag queens, Jinkx Monsoon, has a personal mantra. She always says “water off a duck’s back” when dealing with difficult situations. I try to apply this mantra to my life. Sure, I get angry, but I move on. That’s all that anybody can really do.
I would have to say that ninety percent of my experience at Northwestern has been positive. I have made many friends and I feel I can be myself with them. I could not ask for better faculty than I have had in the English department. They encourage me to express myself and my identity. They have helped me to improve academically and as a person. I am truly grateful for that.
Do I have advice for the LGBT community in Alva on Valentine’s Day? Be yourself. Live your life authentically. Do not be afraid. You are not a freak, and you are loved. I have to admit part of me was afraid to write this article. I decided I should practice what I preach. We all need encouragement sometimes. As for getting a date? We all know there are slim pickings in that area. It does not mean that romance is impossible, you just have to work harder at it. My tentative Valentine’s Day plan is to go watch Deadpool with my peeps. Sounds good to me.