By KENDRA REINING
Columnist
Okay, so there are a lot of people in this world thinking they are country, but let me just tell you, they’re not.
Here are a few signs to show how un-country you really are: If the only time you wear your cowboy boots is to go out to a dance hall, then you aren’t country. If you have never gone mudding in a beat- up farm truck, you probably aren’t country. If your first time driving wasn’t on a tractor, or you’ve never been on a farm and plowed the land while getting a farmer’s tan, then you aren’t country. If you think new country music is better than the oldies, then you aren’t country.
A true sign of country folk is if you measure distance in hours instead of miles. If you grew in a town where you had to lock your doors, then you aren’t country. If you never drank from a water hose or put your own bait on your hook, then you aren’t country. If your town’s Fourth of July parade didn’t have at least one tractor in it, you are not country, because that means your town isn’t based around farming. If you can’t quote at least one John Wayne movie, or don’t know who he is, you are definitely not country. If your fella’s idea of a romantic date isn’t watching the stars while sitting on a tailgate, well, hon, you aren’t country.
Now I could go on and on over what makes it okay for you to call yourself country, but chances are it won’t matter anyway. I laugh at the people who have boots they have had for years with no scuffs; if you use them for what they are made for, then they should be beat up. If you have never been to a dance hall full of girls who think they are country, then here is what you would see if you do. You would see girls all dressed in cut-off shorts and either a plaid or lace top, probably with their stomachs showing for some strange reason. Why girls think this is country I have never understood, but it is a fact. Their boots also will look either all covered in bling or will look brand-new. Let me just tell you, real country cowboys can spot you out from a mile away.
Now ladies, how you spot a real country boy is not from their cowboy boots and hat. You know they are country from one thing: their two-step. If they can’t swing dance or two-step without hopping or stepping on your feet, well chances are they weren’t raised country.
Now ya’ll I was raised in a town where city people actually believed we rode to school on horses, which only happened once. This town took about three minutes to get from one side to the other, and was surrounded by farmland. If you didn’t take at least one senior photo out in your family’s farmland, chances are you moved here from another town. Fun nights for us were having a big ol’ dance in somebody’s barn out in the middle of nowhere. When you showed up to school in boots covered in whatever you stepped in at the ag farm, and everybody could smell and nobody cared, you knew you were not only raised country but were country yourself. In my opinion, wearing cowboy boots doesn’t make you country; it’s what you do in the boots that makes you country.