We are winding down the semester with the last helpful hints to college relationships. This week, there are some important tips to watch out for. My favorite is either 10 or 11.
- Avoid U-Hauling (the phenomenon of a relationship moving way too quickly, to the point where you have practically moved in together after a few weeks)
Several students agreed when I asked them if college couples move too quickly in their relationships. “Yes!” Was the common response and all for good reason.
In general, college relationships tend to be accelerated forms of adult relationships — especially when you’re in the dorm rooms — because your social lives begin to meld into your home lives. Early on, it’s likely you will run into each other getting groceries, taking out trash, completing chores, etc. If your significant other’s parents are in town, it is also likely you will meet them regardless of how long you have been dating.
While many of these things are inevitable, it is important to maintain some semblance of mystery in the relationship. Don’t spend every waking moment together.
- “Don’t neglect your friends.” – Lindsay, Senior
“You only have so much free time,” said Lindsay, “so it can be difficult to distribute it equally between your friends and your boyfriend or girlfriend.” However, you have to keep your friends in mind — even when your significant other is a temporary fixture (which, chances are, he/she is), your friends are a more permanent part of your life and, if you ignore them completely in favor of “love,” they might not be as willing to take care of you if and when your relationship ends.
- Don’t go in with the intention of “fixing” someone
No one is perfect, but if you go into a relationship knowing exactly what you want to change about the person, then maybe you shouldn’t go into that relationship in the first place. You cannot control other people, and you should never strive to.
This was always my problem. I’m a fixer by heart and I was always looking for a new “project.” But, as I got older, I started appreciating people’s unique qualities and didn’t pursue them if I knew I wanted to change something.
Also, just a side note, what usually happens when you’re done with a project? You move onto another one.
- Make time for yourself
This one I’ve learned recently and I’ve been in a relationship for three years… yikes!
Ultimately, you should be your biggest priority. While it is good to spend time with your significant other, you shouldn’t spend all of your time with him or her. It is important to spend some time alone, focusing only on yourself. You have plenty of time to worry about others.
“If you don’t take some time out, you begin to feel like something is missing,” said Lauren, Junior, “in my last relationship, I started to feel depressed and had no energy. It wasn’t until my friend told me that all I did was what my ex wanted, when I realized she was right.” If your significant other doesn’t respect you taking time out for yourself then maybe you need to reevaluate the relationship.
- Mind games are only for players (cruel players)
EVERYBODY LISTEN UP, if someone is playing the jealousy game with you, it is time to end it. Sure, other people may be attracted to you or your significant other, but, as flattering as it may be, it shouldn’t matter. And you shouldn’t bring it up in the relationship every chance you get. “There is never a reason to try and make someone jealous,” said Tyler, Senior, “if you feel the need to play games, then maybe your relationship isn’t working out.” Mind games are one of the biggest reasons people have trust issues today. You’re in a relationship for a reason and if you aren’t fully committed, then get out.
Next week’s issue will have the remaining hints AND a bonus readers’ favorite hint at the very end.