By MCKAYLA HOLSON, Editorial Editor
Helpless. That’s how I felt. What do you do when a friend tells you they want to die?
I’ve never been in a situation like that before and I was clueless as to what to do.
I’ve had friends jokingly tell me that they wanted to die, but I’ve never had a friend who I thought would actually do that. I just didn’t know what to do.
Maybe if I write about this, someone will see it and have the knowledge of what to do and what not to do if they’re ever in a similar situation.
Evolvetreatment.com listed eight things you should do when a friend tells you they want to die.
DO THESE:
- Acknowledge their openness.
It’s an act of courage if someone opens up to you about this topic. Acknowledge that. I thanked my friend for confiding in me. It’s hard to confess feelings like that because we feel that people never understand. We might not ever understand how someone is feeling, but we can try to help.
- Listen closely and validate their feelings.
Stop talking for a while and let them get their emotions out. Use body language to show that you’re listening. Don’t interrupt. Give them a shoulder to cry on. It’s OK for them to cry. It’s OK that they feel bad. They’ve been through a lot and must be in a lot of pain.
- Tell them you’re there for them.
“We are going to get through this.” This is a personal opinion, but I think verbally including yourself in the plan for help is good. I personally feel better when someone says “We’re going to get through this,” “We’ll find a new coping mechanism,” etc. Let the person know they’re not alone.
- Give them the Suicide Prevention Hotline number.
It’s 1-800-273-8255.
There’s also a crisis text line if you or your friend don’t want to talk on the phone.
Text “HOME” to 741741.
Both numbers have trained support available 24/7.
- Offer to do research for them.
Help them find counseling services available to them. Help find someone to talk to. Research ways and places that can help them.
- Offer hope.
Things will get better. There are ups and downs in life. It’s like an ocean.
Life is sometimes like gentle waves crashing or is almost completely steady. And sometimes, life is like a huge, raging storm. The storm will eventually pass.
It might come back, but we will be better prepared when it does, and that storm will also pass.
- Tell an adult or trained professional.
I had no clue what I was doing. I noticed things got worse, and I reached out to mutual friends for help. Friends who are older and much wiser than I am. With their help, I think we’re on the right track to getting better.
- Ask if they have a plan.
This is terrifying, and I can’t imagine asking that question. What triggered my need to ask for help was when my friend put his fingers to his head, pretended to shoot himself and said “tonight.”
That scared the hell out of me. It made me shake, and I didn’t know what to do, I just knew that I had to do something. I reached out to a mutual friend of ours, and he helped me talk with our friend.
Those are tips of what to do that the website provided. The website also said to call 911 if you feel your friend is in immediate danger.
DON’T DO THESE:
Evolvetreatment also listed five things NOT to do.
- Do not promise secrecy.
Would you rather have a friend who is upset with you or a dead one? It’s for their own good, and you might even save their life.
- Don’t play therapist.
You’re not a trained professional. Get help. Find someone who is a professional.
- Don’t ask for too many details on their feelings.
They’re in pain — that’s what you need to know. Your friend will let you know what’s wrong when they’re comfortable explaining. Some people, like my friend, don’t like sharing because they feel like people won’t understand. Just try to be there for them.
- Don’t say you understand what they’re going through.
You probably don’t. Your friend might not even understand what’s happening. You are not them. Nobody ever fully understands what anyone is going through.
- Don’t ignore the situation.
Your friend is basically trusting you with their life when they give you that information. Try to get them the help they need.
Suicide rates seem to always be increasing, especially for younger people.
We all need to take care of each other.
It is always OK to ask for help. It is always OK to reach out. Nobody has to take on battles by themselves. It will be a difficult climb, but we can all get better.